Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Shrink Attack !!!

Ok, many people had told me that I am funny. Some have paid me this complement without taking a break from their laughing. But no one, not one of them said its dangerous except Neetha (names changed).. In her cocky, snobby, know all opinion I have "unresolved issues" from my past. Before I could protest with all my ferocity, she shut me up with a PhD degree in behavioural psychology. Now how would you tackle that..

My usual entertain-friend-over-beer-and-maggie turned out to be a major "couch experience" on two seperate single couches ofcourse. Neetha is a pain in the the the (ya thats where) despite her stunning looks, tone body. After all those years still, things have never changed. I could never get to make a pass at her. Somehow I felt wierd being associated with her.

I am in no mood to do a blow by blow account of what happend but here it is in summation. She thinks "My funny facade is to hide a deeper sense of a need to be recogonised, to have attention heaped on me and hide my inadequacies. Further it can also stem from possible anxiety (of what she never elaborated)".

I decided to explore a bit and see if I atall hide my inadequacies. now these are the few times, I thought about all my "inadequacies".

1) I am horribly organised.
2) I sometimes talk. Ok.. I talk all the time.
3) I make people laugh and make them forget about how sick, dead, useless, fucked up their lives are. ok thats a little overkill. But take heart whose life is it anyway ;) .
4) I give complements very freely and easily (She thinks, I do this to overcome my inadequacies too. Feeling cocky, arrogant and proud).
5) I genuinely like some people who laugh uniquely (like the girl I recently met who chuckled at all my jokes and who laughed incessantly. She thinks thats because I like my audience) and I tell them that. Now sometimes it makes people uncomfortable.
6) I am always behind schedulde at all my personal chore (She thinks, I need a core purpose in life and this being behind in scheduldes (paying bills mainly) is a reaction to a purposeless life).
7) My speling suck and I am too lazy or indiffierent to correct it. not that I notice it. Responses have been pouring in in 100s of how funny and witty my posts are if only you do the spell check. I say all these people have problems. They cant deal with a little imbalance and disorder and chaos in this world. They crave for perfection and precision. This maniacal obsession is a disease, I dont suffer from. And yes, I purposely mispelt the word spelling to open people's eyes to reality. See how many people suffer from this disease ?

There are a ton of other nasty habbits that I have, but I am not going to take me down in public glare. I am not that stupid.

I think Neetha is psycho, cos she has done so much of psycho reading to do her PhD and she has to use the full power of her knowledge on an unsuspecting subject. Ya, I know its a little lame. I also think that everyone has to have some issue or the other ? even the guy who thinks he has no issues. Thats very abnormal isnt it ? Someone with no issues ? maybe that is the issue. "you dont have any issues, how wierd, you are hiding something". I think she has issues. to her mind everyone is hinding something and she is that cop. I think when she was a kid she never played the cop.

The problem with her was, the last time we met I was 19. She still relates to me when I was 19. Awkward, never been on stage, last in the race, curd rice gulping, brain dead no opinions, absolutely no sense of comptition or aggression, not protective about the things I liked. That was 11 years back (ya, I am thirty). And she suddenly is told by a friend of a friend of a friend how socially networked and active I am. She couldnt believe it and is trying to find the switch in my "id". Know what an id is ?? She just cant believe that I am charming, funny and basically at peace with my f*ed up life. Ya once in a while I do one of those big binges "30 hrs of t.v." (cant you watch 30 hrs of female wrestling ? whats wrong with you ? ) or "3 books in a row", but by and large my phone book is full and I get phone calls from most people. No, I dont know sonali bendre not yet(for my international readers, here is where I fail. I cant make all my annectodes and examples international friendly You guys have to learn your sonali bendre as much as your pam anderson).

Ok. one thing she asked me was, "why do you write long posts ? is there a problem with your inner mind about not having been heard enough". Alright thats it. I couldnt take it anymore and promised her that I would keep it short. Anyway she went back to US after getting married and I really really hope I dont bump into her for another 13 years. Poor guy (whoever married her) is going to get psychoanalysed and this way forget problems related to performance anxiety, He is going to have problems related to performance !! phew..

Now where was I, ya the girl who laughed incessantly... isnt it a great thing to laugh so easily ?? I just make people laugh. But Neethu literally made me sob. Now I cant do that, not even when I am psychologically stripped and analysed in a cold blodded fashion. But it really hurt to find out how sick and warped human beings are. They are always looking for an opportunity to demoralise you and put you down.

But you know what ? "Mard ko Dard nahi hotha".... "ghar jake hotha hai"..

Why am I writing about all this (apart from making a few people laugh..including me) ? Its the flavour of the month. These days people are out there putting nasty derogatory blog posts and there are people out there defending their honour and integrity with full ferocity (Read "The season of defamation and defence. An exciting episode of how rival law firms are at work to sully white "Van-huesen" shirts with brown mud... only on Practice...tada tan tadatan").

Apart from social causes and philosophical views how really serious can a blog post get anyay. This one really pushes the envelope. The buzz is everywhere and I said to my self, why not. Lets get nasty.


At 3:19 PM, Blogger Ramana Siddharth said...

dark humor en?u have used stream of conciousness style writing..this post has all the honesty and anger which is ur trademark.hey btw all these councilor types and all( i am doing a spell check!)..are experts in the art of hair splitting..dont take it to heart.

btw from what i have gathered from ur site ur one heck of an interesting guy.

keep the good articles coming!

At 2:08 AM, Blogger Sudarshan said...

You are back? If only I could write with such humor inspite of being angry, I would have accepted her analysis ;).
Mate, I would love to get my personality check done from this dame ;)
Well said.

At 4:44 AM, Blogger small squirrel said...

damnit vasu... you've done it again. I read this and did not know whether to laugh or cry. I ended up laughing.

BTW, ya... we're all fu**ed up. Irretrievably, in most cases. And so what? It is the human condition. Who the hell doesn't have issues from their past? Come on now.

And maybe I am loud and opinionated because I have a complex about being short. Or maybe it is because my mommy did not love me enough. BAH. I am loud and opinionated. WHATEVER.

Nothing is worse than someone exercising a new degree. :))

PS I think you meant "attack" in the title, not attach *ducks*

At 9:55 AM, Blogger timeintotime said...

I'm with you all the way on the importance of it!

Laughter is when all our issues get sneezed out of us. And then the outside world programmes the germs back in. So to stay sane I laugh. And if I feel like being really sane, I laugh big.

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Misreflection said...

Having a sense of humour... which ever brand you possess is vital in life esp if you intend to marry and have children some day( trust me on that). Issues, we all have them but isn't it funny that those that profess the least regarding their skills and talents be they mental or physical are always the ones who outshine the rest and yet they too must have issues but I guess they just carry them with such grace and dignity that us lesser mortals never see them....What does that tell you...?

People will always try to pull you down.. its their way to pull themselves up , but really you have to allow them to do this or else they stand no chance. Nasty ..we live with , we thrive on it, it feeds the darker side of us all, gross that.... that side needs feeding and should be feed but hey that's why they call us human.

Nice post , shame about neetha.. ;)

At 12:25 AM, Blogger Vivek Kondur said...

Vasu not everyone has that art of transforming daily life subjects into humour. I envy u for this one;).

BTW Neetha, if u are reading this, everyone has *inadequacies* in some form or other.

At 3:29 AM, Blogger Vasu the terrible said...

@ sid - Sometimes, when I dont have any control of my life is when I persue a greater risk. My life is like Las Vegas. I know the jackpot is around the corner, so I go gambling all the time..

@ Sud - You want an intro.. She is doing a 100 people study on humour and the id... she is looking for samples/subjects. you got to give up your identify and let her poke her thermometer up your ass... game for that pal ?

@ Squirril -
you are damm right.. the faster we recogonise that the world isone big asylum, the more time we would have to laugh at it.

A couple of years back, it would have been attach.. :D not anymore.. I value the ability to laugh much much more than the ability to rock ;)..

@ Timeintotime - Laughter is akin to the out of body existance. Just imagine you can magically step out of your body and look at your warts and fat love handles and be able to laugh at all that.. There is no greater sign of good health than someone who can laugh. I like your angle of all issues sneezed out...

@ Misreflection -
Yes all of us have issues. Some can talk about it and make fun, some just burry it deep in the id.. Those that manage the issues better dont believe in an idealistic image of life (marriage, career etc.) and therefore manage expectations, disappointments etc. better. These are the people who dont have any kind of possessions. You take away everything from them, they would never flinch or be perturbed. Compare it with us.. if someone touches my bike or car, it troubles us to the core. Buddha would have handled his issues with grace.. hmmm.. As for neethu, she has one major issue. A childhood image of false superiority (over me) totally overhauled.

@Vivek - Sometimes I am funny, sometimes I am not. Its very very tricky.. being funny and being a loser... The best way to be funny is changing some fundamental attitudes to life. For starters buy the complete collection of sinefield. Thats the funniest sitcom I have ever watched. My fav character is Kramer.

At 1:14 AM, Blogger Sudarshan said...

Now I know why are fuming ;)

At 6:13 AM, Blogger wookie said...

Like Squirrel I am laughing thou' I wasnt sure if I should cry/laugh.From whatever I have read on your blog you seem like a decent guy with a great sense of humour. That's a BIG plus. take it from a girl ;)
BTW I love Sienfeld too. I hear they are gonna air it again on Star World. My fav is Kramer too. He is just so weird :)

At 2:12 AM, Blogger gulnaz said...

i don't think there is anything wrong with your sense of humour. sometimes peopl over-analyse things. i think its wonderful that you can make other people laugh. don't bother changing but yeah you do write long posts! :)

At 4:36 AM, Blogger Vasu the terrible said...

@Wookie - Cry ?? How can people cry ? Does a pathetic, down the drain, purposeless life make you cry ?? I admit, I am prone to a little exaggeration... my life is not all that fucked up.. its pretty close though.. :D

I love the episode where "kramer adopts a highway"... and ofcourse who can forget the soup nazi..

@Gulnaz - here is my take. I write long posts yes.. ? But arent they lucid and very very easy ro read.. ? Imagine reading a four line highly intense post 50 times and reading my post.. Isnt it like putting hot butter to knife.. I mean hot knife to butter ?

At 8:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 1:43 AM, Blogger suman kumar said...

Vasu I understand you are dark and f*cked up inside, but it'd make reading easier for me if you chose a lighter background and dark text. Hey congrats, you never told me you had a sense of humor. :-D

At 3:12 AM, Blogger Prat said...

Hee, you sure can make people laugh. Especially if they have had one beer too many, and one pack of puffies too many :D
And I like your spellings.
Something about birds and same feathers?

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Zeeshan said...

Vasu, what a fucked up picture you have of yourself!??


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