Sunday, January 01, 2006

The year that went by

Ya Ya!!! whats the big deal. Happens every year isnt it ? for some reason, people become euphoric on Dec 31st. As if, your hand is on the flush handle. Irrational Exuberance takes over and people suddenly turn hopeful about the next year. They dont even know, weather they are going to live or not. Nonetheless the party must go on. How ironic.

One of my funnier friends wished me "happy new year" and asked me, what is my new year resolution ? I mouthed some old ones not having the creativity to come up with new ones. The same old shit. Will quit smoking, will keep my place clean, will go to gym. Nothing more was said when he burst out laughing almost at the same time, I burst out laughing. That was all that need to be said.

I am addicted to t.v. and between 9-11.30 p.m. no force on earth can shake thy will. You would find a body close to dead with just one finger doing some kind of motor action. The left hand index finger. Bobbing up and down, it controls the world. Teaming up with the dependable thumb, it dexterously manipulates a 100 parameters like volume, contrast, colour and clarity. Its almost a state of samadhi (in this context translates as deep penance), that I am in. My mind as empty as it can get. Nothing, nothing atall can alter that state of affairs. No hunger, no pain, no thirst, no rain. As I thumbed through the channels as always, I was wondering which loser in this world would spend a new year's eve watching news channels beaming in live pictures of the hottest parties in town ? Which loser is thee ? Hold your answer.

I smiled and instinctively the channel changed. Discovery is my second favourite channel. Simply because, the narrator is earnest, educated, erudite (dont they mean the same thing ? ya go on hang me for repeatition), bespectacled, respectable and sinciere in the narration. I dont know, if its all an act but man I dont mind watching some shit which people have taken extreme pains to record. Like a camera capturing two snakes mating 30 ft. below the ground. There is some honour in watching that, than Amitabh Bachan trying to answer a totally dumb and stupid question with utmost profoundity. What is so profound about the question, "how does your rectum feel ?". one word would have saved 10 minutes of airtime and innumerable breaths for Amitabh himself. One word - "Sore". But then you can count on these brain dead morons called t.v. presenters ask with finnise and professionalism - "How sore ? can you describe how it feels ?". I am sure amitabh must be crinjing in shame. Imagine amitabh talking to his shrink with choked emotions.. "That journalist asked (chokes) me how my rectum feels (chokes and sobs uncontrollably like in black) ?". Poor man must be feeling violated.

My instincts are good, especially when I am hungry. I know exactly what I want to eat. A couple of days back, I scoured the city for "Baingan bartha" and roti. I literally biked 10 km. thinking only of that gorgeous purple egg-plant based dish. And when I had my fill, I was satiated. I know what I want to eat when I want to eat. Sometimes, this skill deserts me completely.

Especially when the three of us decide, its time for lunch and we dont have any instincts telling us anything more than "we have to eat". We end up asking each other in turns the following questions.

"Where do you want to go ?".
"I dont know ? where do you want to go ?".
"I dont know ? where do you want to go ?".
"I dont know ? where do you want to go ?".

These questions keep going round and round and round as we walk in some general arbid direction. Untill. H gets bugged and says exasperatedly "Each one onto himself, go eat wherever you want, whatever you want".

As if this really helps. We just dont know where to go for lunch and such exasperation takes us nowhere. P gets edgy when H goes balistic and responds quicker than usual. "Nandini ?", he goes with a siddarth-basu (quizzical) look on his face. A few cotntorts on Hs face answers the question. The key thing is no one wants to take a call on where to go and have lunch.

After many cycles, of exasperations, suggestions and intelligent reasons why not to go to "Gitanjali" and why go to "Chalukya", we end up eating drab food at "New punjab food zone" the friendly coloufull (I mean full of red colour) neighbourhood punhabi restraunt. The menu arrives and the questions change from "where to go?" to "what to eat ?". Five minutes of intense concentration and scanning of the plastic menu cards convinces us that we cant eat anything. But then we have to eat something. So the mystery is kept alive by ordering the most insipid and most personality devoid item. Veg Meals!!!.. Afterall no one knows (sometimes even after finishing the food), what veggies were there in the veg meals.

Point to ponder : Dont you feel that almost all the dishes taste the same in any punjabi restraunt ? salty, spicy, tomatoey. doesent matter if it is alu gobi or aloo mutter or rajma ? If you think so too ? Go see a doctor. Your tounge just died.

Anyway the best part of the lunch break is the after food smoke. Did someone just say "No new punjab food zone in the new year ?" Huh.. dream on.

Somehow I feel pretty calm and relaxed thinking about the next year. Life is such a drain and in such pits right now, "what can be worse than this ?" If you know the answer, dont tell me. But seriously, "what can be worse than this ?". I dont feel jumpy and euphoric about the new year. Which actually makes me feel better, because things can only get better from now on. Isnt it a good idea though ? have a boring new year and become progressively interesting as we go on ?

Am I saying somthing totally sacrilagious here ? Am I blurting out the truth ? Do I have to sound like my life is euphoric and damm interesting when it is not ? Am I being the spoil sport ?

I am done. I think I am flushing off all my left over grouchy thoughts. Up there its totally empty... Helloooo... Helloooo Helllooooo.. (echoes like the gol gumbaz )

And ya, I know.. There is still one more step in this mundane drill "Happy New Year". Go on, have a great year. May you become prosperous, rich, famous, healthy, whatever else that you dream off. Do I sound sarcastic enough ? Damm even my language skills are deserting me.


At 8:17 AM, Blogger Archana said...

I've got my mouth shut!

At 5:40 AM, Blogger Misreflection said...

hey some of us lesser beings need a wake up call. and what better than the start of a new year.. to realise how you've managed to do sweet bugger all for a year long and that you now have a chance to make up for it.. But of course reverting back to old habits is the norm with most esp myself but for what its worth I still enjoy a good new's years eve bash..

At 6:23 PM, Blogger small squirrel said...

hold onto that thought you grouchy bastard. I will be there in 3 weeks and we'll fix it all up. or die trying. ;)

happy new years any damned way :P

(all typed while giggling hysterically...)

At 3:42 AM, Blogger Vasu the terrible said...

@archana - why ?

@misreflection - ya.. nothing wrong in that. Infact nothing wrong in anything that makes you feel good. This new year tamasha has stopped making me feel good, hence the general cynicism.

@SS - We will fix it all up or die trying... said like a true fighter from rome.. ya ya.. happy new years..
I got so tierd of wishing so many people that sometimes my mind gets garbled and instead of "Happy new year", I mumble out "happy birthday".. phew..

At 5:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Year *hic*
Nappy Hew Beer *hic* *hic*
Vodka Whisky Beer *hic* *hic *hic*

000 hrs... Wha *hic* t ye *hic* r?

Zonked out :P

At 4:08 AM, Blogger Neets said...

sach kaha! I guess,for me ... its just another way to get together with my pals and enjoy or stay at home and laze around like its any other day.
Well Vasu boyo, i hope in the comming year you will discover more ridiculous facts and blabber authentically on them. :)
And by the way,if you are from B'lore, please comment on the roads will ya.

At 10:31 PM, Blogger Vasu the terrible said...

hey nita,

What do you mean by ridiculous facts ? I mean these ae no small facts. these are tough issues. Imagine every media moron went bersek with amitabh's swollen rectum.

I thought they would even shove up a microphone up amitabhs arse and check out real life live sound of his rectum.

This madness got to stop.

dont you agree ?


At 12:08 PM, Blogger Amit Kulkarni said...

That is how they make money. Most people who read those rags are sycophants and wannabes anyway. 'The Bold and the Beautiful' huh?

At 11:43 PM, Blogger Anjaan said...

interesting theories ur blog packs! and on this one i'd have to agree..
dang the papparazzi!

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Vivek Kondur said...

Our media never really covers any story till the end. Every news channel picks up a topic which would get them more ratings, but the subject wld loose the steam after 2 days or so. And every news channel want to be a national channel, who want to cater all the states & also wld like to have all kinds of programmes.

I don't really understand our Media @ times. We wld have Times group coming up with their news channel associated with Reuters shortly named TIMES NOW, after the debut of Rajdeep Sardesai's offspring CNN-IBN.

BTW Wishing u the very best in 2006 and keep us all entertained with your humour.


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