Fly on the wall

A major fan of Asimov like me had to figure it out some time. Despite my obviously slow clump of clay in my head, I realised soon enough that Asimov is not a science fiction writer. He did write about the future as he foresaw it, but it was quiet apparent that Asimov was more an explorer of human psyche than the future. The future, robots, transmutation et. al were the right context, the right distraction for him to dwell deeper into the human mind. Two stories would remain in my mind for eternity. The Jokester and The billiard ball . Every tenth knowing smile, I smile is more because of the instant recall of these two amazing stories rathar than the inherant comedey in the context.

It was one such smile. An old uncle who came back from the USA and was regealling all the natives with stories of the promised land. He drawled on pausing stratigically to very very good effect.

"We Indians are extremely intelligent. You know when I was a student in caltech, I had a friend coming fom India for the first time. He joined Princeton to persue his doctorate in physics. Now as students we had to save a lot of money. What did this friend do ? He places a collect call to my number. The phone rang and I picked it up. A sweet voice anounced to me saying, 'A collect call from Ramesh Aagaya. Would you like to accept it ?'. No I replied and she went on to inform Ramesh Aagaya how his collect call had been denied. See without spending any money he informed me of his arrival".

The whole living room burst into laughter applauding the intelligence of Desi Americans and ridiculing the hole ridden system in America. The message was simple. Indians are too intelligent. Give them any system, they will work with it and even twist the system right on its head. That living room was thich with pride and I have to admit, I was the first one to roar with laughter allbeit an entirely different reason. Uncontrollable laughter. Everyone else took the cue and dint want to be left behind.

Why did I laugh ? Is it a unique joke ? Definitely not. Its not even original. I have personally heard ten different people tell me the same joke in ten different versions. Each one claiming with ferocity that he/she/, his/her friend was the original inventor of this great Desi discovery. I laughed that day of the wonderous beauty of Asimov and how mis-understood his stories were. I laughed at the joy of my own discovery of what Asimov really was. A writer of human psyche, letting us have a sneak peek as to why people do what they do. This post is about that.

Asimov's theme in Jokester was simple. Jokes are small little experiments performed by aliens on humans to understand their psyche. To find out why they do what they do. Its not quiet important weather the alien experiment theory is true or not. But for argument sake, lets say it is true. Then why did the old uncle repeat the sadofied (stale) joke ? Why did he expect a laugh ? Why did I laugh ? Why did all the others laugh ?

That uncle was returning back to India after dog years and like every Indian it is central to his life what people of his community think of himself. His sense of success is directly dependant on what his earstwhile peers think of it. His accomplishment is directly co-related to how accomplished he feels out here. In all this there is a fear too. The fear of retaining his Indian ness. Even the most outgoing and liberal person in India, when confronted with the stark reality of a western society steps back to his identity and wants to retain that at any cost. This protective nature is what makes him go to "Bridgewater temple", Learn vedas, look upon carnatic music as some holy grail to be preserved, become more of a hindu than he would ever be in his lifetime. This sense of who you are is so starkly visible in the general American landscape it turns the most outgoing person into a recluse.

If you happen to live in middle America, it is difficult to just become friends with anyone in town. The kind of culture and style an American society brings about is entirely alien to the sometimes intrusive and curiosity ridden Indian way of life.
This uncle, was trying to get back into his old setup at a higher rank than when he left. I was just helping him to ease back into the community as soon as possible and I couldnt help laughing with disbelief of how many different claimants are there for this joke. Each claimant using it for his own unique purpose displaying his own unique psyche. And for perhaps the first time, I wasnt too critical of the fakeness in tihs narration. It was just too funny and I was screaming to myself "I cant believe he was telling me this old sadofied (stale) joke". There was no condescention but it was purely amazing.

Very soon the others who saw this, realised that they all should laugh. Why did they laugh ? Two main reasons.

1) Epidemics
2) Tipping point.

Read Tipping point for a detailed analysis of this.

Anyways in brief we laugh because laughter is a huge social ice-breaker. Its a peek into informality and a certain bonhomie between people. Once you laugh at an other person's joke, you are accepting him into your inner circle and telling him he is accepted and vice-versa. Its a kind of low stakes approach. Instead of openly asking "I want to be friend's with you" (Not the amorous kind megha encounteres often), if you crack a joke and people laugh at it, its apparent that your company is liked and both of you do want to engage in that social interraction. The problem with openly asking that question "I want to be friends with you" or any other social interraction question like "Can we have a cup of coffee ?" (the oft used dating opener) is the fear of rejection.

"How would it be, if I am rejected ?". Well instantly any human would feel bad being rejected because everyone genuinely wants to be liked. A joke is a face saving way of testing that acceptance/rejection theory.

Jokes are also an amazing way to alter the stakes in a relationship. I was told by an old school friend Neetha "that one of the reasons you are funny or try to be funny is because you want to alter the stakes in your relationship and bring it to the zone where you can handle. You can entertain people and often you think that all people want is entertainment. So if someone wants something deep and meaningfull and you cant give it to them, you lighten up the conversation, make them laugh, entertain them and even hope that this can distract them from their real need." I dont really believe this sweaping statement by Neetha, but there is a little truth to it. When can one actually think beyond the rut one is in ? When can you get creative and innovative ? When can those amazing brainwave solutions to your problems appear ? When will you go to your happy place ?

Only when you laugh and lighten up isnt it ? Laughter is nothing but an externally induced natural mood elevator. When your mood changes and your brain processes some puzzles and enjoys the victory of figuring something out, it gets creative and you would find easy ways to untie some really difficult knots. I am built that way actually trying to figure out how knots are opened. Jokes and laughter actually alters many of the assumptions in our brain without us having to be confronted by our set positions in an open way. If someone tells me "Vasu you have to change". Hell there is no way I will change. But if the environment is non-threatening and easy, I will change even without being let know of the fact that I need to change.

Jokes and humour help to generate that non-threatening environment where we all have face savers to not injure our pride.

Whats the connection between the title and the post ? Through and through this whole experience of mine, talking to the old uncle, seeing through the smokes and mirrors of human behaviour, sifting through the tons of crap Neetha told just to find out the odd precious stone, I was a fly on the wall. Non-participative, alert, overworked in my mind and figuring out new relationships between evensts and elements in my environment. If I had involved myself I would never have understood many things. Never would have recalled Asimov and certainly wouldnt have laughed so hard at the "Rames Aagaya" joke.

I was just a fly on the wall.